I’ve always lived a private life tending to hide myself away from the rest of the world. I remember when I got married and moved into an apartment to live alone since my husband would only be home a few times during the first year of our marriage (a whole ‘nother story) my friends were very worried. “You’ll never see anyone.” They had good reason to be concerned as even in a college dorm room I tended to shut myself away from others.
After my family came and years passed, I took over the basement room to create an office for myself. Once again those who loved me said, “You’ll go down there and we’ll never see you.” I imagine you see the pattern.
In today’s world, my office is upstairs just across from my husband’s. I live in a housing development that has houses all around me (unlike the street I moved from that had only two other houses on it). I belong to organizations (too many I fear) and attend frequent “people” events. I am living near enough to family to see them often (unlike my earlier years during which family always lived hundreds or thousands of miles away). And at last count I have 230 “friends” on facebook.
And here’s the problem. I am addicted to following the lives of all these folks and sharing their griefs (and joys). When Eden has to put down her beloved pet, I am sad. When a former student dies from West Nile virus, I feel pain. When Carrie’s daughter nearly drowns, I am beside myself with anxiety for all concerned. The list goes on and on.
For a person who has spent her whole life avoiding people and their lives, it’s overwhelming at times. I have no life “calluses” with which to protect myself. It makes me at times want to go find my basement again and lock the door away from the rest of the world.
I wonder if I’m the only one who finds this to be painful. I know. I know. The solution is to turn off facebook and escape, but I don’t want to do that. For as much as the grief washes over me so does the joy of connecting with people this way. It seems like a good thing to be doing. In time, maybe I’ll even get more used to the world and the people who live in it.
Susan E L Lake 
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