I’ve entered that stage of life where my body (and even my mind) don’t cooperate as well as it once did. I hear lots of folks utter the cliché “getting old isn’t for sissies.” And they are correct, of course, but no stage of life is “for sissies.” Remember being a teenager trying desperately to figure out life. Remember being a new mom with too little sleep and too many responsibilities. Remember being a new teacher who in the first year was going to make EVERY mistake one can make. This new stage of life is no different. The rules have changed and it’s a challenge every day to figure out how to deal with this uncooperative body.
Within the last six months I have had two major surgeries: one for a knee and most recently one for a new hip. The knee is better but not perfect. The hip is getting better but still needs lots of coddling. Tasks that I once did without even thinking such as laundry and making a bed are hard.
Along the way, I’ve had to use an “assistive device” (don’t you love euphemisms). Some refuse to call these canes and instead talk about their walking sticks. No matter what you call them, they are essential to me to move about the outside world with all its steps and stairs. I originally bought the most serviceable one I could find hoping I could just pretend it didn’t exist. It did its task, but was basically boring if not ugly.
Over the last few months, though, I’ve had lots of time to think about the changes in my world. Originally, I railed at my “infirmities” angry at what I could no longer do easily. But one day I stopped and thought back to the other moments of change in my life. I thought about the demands on me when I moved to a town far from family to live with a husband who traveled most of the time which meant I had to be the “grown up” managing finances and disasters. I thought about the freedom I gave up when my first child was born and I could no longer do as I pleased. I remembered the burden of settling my father’s estate which took months and hours of time writing letters, making phone calls, and trying to understand legal documents. Each of these events moved me from one world into another. I sometimes found myself wishing for my easier earlier life, but most of the time I accepted this new world as a good place to be.
With these thoughts in mind, I considered this world to which I have now moved. While I have physical limitations, I now also have amazing freedom. I go where I wish when I wish. I eat what I want when I want it. I sleep when I need to rarely setting an alarm. I can read far into the night or all afternoon. I can talk for as long as I want to friends far and near. I can wear what I want which can include not getting dressed until noon. There were many times in my previous life stages where I would have considered this scenario the nearest thing to perfect.
As a result, I decided to embrace this new stage with all its good points and bad. One step in the embracing process was the decision to look for the prettiest cane I could find and buy it. After all, it’s an accessory not just an aid. I wouldn’t carry an ugly purse or wear an ugly jacket. Why would I want this part of my wardrobe to be any less? The one I found matches my car and makes its own statement. It folds up with a Velcro strap when I need it out of the way (just as a good purse can be unobtrusive when necessary). And it’s red. I carry it proudly using it as I need not trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. And just as one gets comments on earrings or cute sandals, I get compliments on my cane along with the “where did you get it?” question.
Will there be other changes along the way that will be frustrating? Sure. But I’m working as hard as I can to treat each of these changes as just the flip side of a truly wonderful world. It’s a tradeoff no different than the one I made when I gave up freedoms to become a mother or when I took on responsibilities as I entered adulthood. I embraced each of those new worlds. I will embrace this one as well.
Susan E L Lake 